Laugh at Five :30 Radio Ads And Read The Scripts
Here are five different funny, 30-second radio commercial scripts from Walt Jaschek's copywriting portfolio, along with final, produced radio spots for comparison. Prepare to chortle.
Life is worth laughing. That’s my motto.
Hi. I'm Walt Jaschek, and I've been writing funny radio ad scripts for decades, with hundreds produced for brands big and small worldwide. We’ve created some chuckles and chortles along the way. A guffaw or two, too.
This site has lots of radio spots I've written or co-written; many of them comedic, many award-winning, most at our radio boutique agency, Paul & Walt Worldwide.
Culled from that longer set are the below 30-second spots, with scripts, so you can see and hear how the writer communicated to clients and collaborators how the final spots should "sound."
That's your first, most important job as a writer of radio: to help a reader – a client, an actor, an engineer – "hear" the commercial in his or her head.
Yes, a successful radio spot owes collaborative contributions from talented producers. Directors. Engineesr. Sound designers. Voice talent. And clients courageous enough to do something beyond the boring ordinary.
But it starts with the script.
30-Second Radio Ad Spot & Script #1
"Auditions" for Star Trek: The Next Generation
SFX: Harp glisten to indicate a flashback
ANNOUNCER: We take you back now to the auditions for Star Trek: The Next Generation.
DIRECTOR (as if to the assembled actors): Okay, people, today we are auditioning for the role of Captain Picard. Please read the line in the script. You, the guy in the bow tie?
NERDY GUY (as nerdy as can be): I am Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise…
DIRECTOR (cutting him off): Thank you. You, sir, the next guy?
BAD ACTOR (clunky): I. am. Jean-Luc. Picard…
DIRECTOR (cutting him off): Thank you. Okay, you, sir, the bald guy?
PATRICK STEWART (in perfect Picard speak): I am Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise.
DIRECTOR: Hmmm. Uh, bald guy?
PATRICK STEWART: Yes?
DIRECTOR: Do you get air sick at warp speed?
MUSIC: Star Trek theme, under
ANNOUNCER: Star Trek: the Next Generation. One hip starship! Weeknights at 7 on Channel 6
MUSIC OUT
30-Second Ad Script & Spot #2
"Vibrating Water Bed" for Jeopardy
LAVERNE (seductively): Oh, Larry...
LARRY: I'm watching Jeopardy, LaVerne.
LAVERNE: It's our honeymoon...
LARRY: All this week, it's the first round of the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions!
LAVERNE: We have this waterbed...
LARRY: This is primo Jeopardy action! The champ wins a hundred grand!
SOUND FX: VIBRATING WATER BED TURNED ON
LAVERNE (her voice vibrating, too): It's a vibrating water bed...
LARRY: Sorry, LaVerne! The Tournament of Champions!
LAVERNE (resigned, but her voice still vibrating): Okay..ay..ay..
MUSIC: END OF "JEOPARDY" THEME, UNDER
ANNOUNCER: Jeopardy. Any questions?
LAVERNE (her voice still vibrating): Yeah! How do you turn this thing off?
JEOPARDY THEME CONCLUDES UNDER LOCAL TAG
30-Second Radio Script & Spot #3
"Put Your Tongue on the Radio" for Gene Simmons Family Jewels
ANNOUNCER: Put your tongue on the radio. (beat) Wait, that might be a little tingly. Ahem. Don’t put your tongue on the radio. But do stick your tongue out. That’s right. Keep going. There. Wow, you have a long tongue! Congrats! But it’s all relative, baby, because, you have a teeny-weenie tongue compared to...
GENE SIMMONS: I’m Gene Simmons. Rock God.
SFX: CROWD CHEERS
MUSIC: ROCK KICKS IN
ANNOUNCER: It’s the rock-meets-reality show that licks ‘em all! Gene Simmons Family Jewels – Season 2 premiere! Starring the man who has more talent than you can shake a tongue at.
GENE SIMMONS: Precisely.
ANNOUNCER: Gene Simmons Family Jewels. A&E Sunday. Oh:
MUSIC: OUT
ANNOUNCER: Please put your tongue back in. The guy is the van is staring.
30-second Ad Script & Spot #4
"I'm Shaving My Head!" for Star: Trek the Next Generation.
MUSIC: STAR TREK THEME MUSIC, UNDER
ANNOUNCER: All over Miami, they're shaving their heads!
YOUNG MAN (enthusiastically): I'm shaving my head!
SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS, MOVING FROM LEFT STEREO CHANNEL TO RIGHT
ANNOUNCER: Throughout the entire Channel 6 viewing area, they're shaving their heads!
YOUNG WOMAN (enthusiastically): I'm shaving my head!
SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS
ANNOUNCER: They're going for... The Jean-Luc Look!
YOUNG COUPLE (simultaneously): We're shaving our heads!
SOUND FX: ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPERS
ANNOUNCER: Like Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the bold, bald head of "Star Trek: the Next Generation," weekdays at four on Channell Six. Get the look!
OLD, FUNNY GEEZER GUY (enthusiastically): I'm shavin' my head!
ANNOUNCER: The Jean-Luc Look! On "Star Trek: The Next Generation." Weekdays at four on Channel 6.
MUSIC: THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES WITH A FLOURISH
Funny, 30-second Radio Ad Script Example #5
"Millions of Americans" for American Optometric Association
ANNOUNCER: We have with us in the studio millions of Americans. Millions, welcome.
HUGE THRONG (multiple layered voices, as if a “million” people were speaking simultaneously): NICE TO BE HERE.
ANNOUNCER: We’re asking millions of Americans to get their children’s eyes examined once a year.
HUGE THRONG: ONCE A YEAR?
ANNOUNCER: Right! All in favor of annual eye exams for children three and up, say “Aye!”
HUGE THRONG: AYE!
ANNOUNCER: Say, “Eye care means you care.”
HUGE THRONG: “EYE CARE MEANS YOU CARE.”
ANNOUNCER: Say, “Sally sells sea shells by the seashore.”
HUGE THRONG (getting the tongue twister wrong:) SALLY SHELLS SHE SELLS…
ANNOUNCER: Gotcha!
HUGE THRONG (sheepish): …BY THE SHE-SORE.
ANNOUNCER: A public service message from the American Optometric Association.
Scripts © Walt Jaschek. Spots © Paul & Walt Worldwide. All rights reserved.
See also: 15 Funny Radio Ads To Inspire More of the Same
Walt Jaschek is a writer of comics, comedy and copy for big brands. For his work creating funny, award-winning ad campaigns for the entertainment industry, he was inducted in 2018 into the St. Louis Media Hall of Fame. Declaring "I'm not history yet," Walt is writing new content daily.