Screenplay: "Double You," a romantic comedy
Read a preview of the first 6 pages of this feature film script by Walt Jaschek, and/or download a FREE PDF of the ENTIRE SCREENPLAY just by subscribing!
What if you could split into two different people right now? What if those two people could go lead separate lives: the one you’re living and a whole new one? Would you take that offer? What if it was made possible by a… magic lava lamp?
That’s the slightly convoluted premise of the very first feature film screenplay I wrote, a “high concept” romantic comedy presented here for your perusement. (Perusement: a combination of peruse and amusement.)
I post this preview (and below that, a pdf of the whole thing) not as a “ta-da” but as a “here it is, warts and all” — an aspiring screenwriter’s first-time attempt. The script has its strengths and (vivid) weaknesses, but one thing it does have for sure is a “The End.” Meaning I finished it. (Unusual for me!)
Fun fact: the script was actually optioned via real-deal contract in August, 2023, by a film production company in California. That option has expired, so I am free to repost the script.
Here are the first 6 pages, followed by a free, downloadable PDF of the entire screenplay. Then you can also see a bonus comment from a reader who had some terrific, helpful insights about it.
Ladies and gentlemen, “Double You.”
End of preview.
How to read the entire “Double You” screenplay.
1.) Subscribe for FREE to Writer Walt. I seldom send out emails, and when I do, it’s usually something interesting.
2.) Download the FREE PDF of the “Double You” screenplay, here:
3.) Comment!
Thanks!
Writer Walt Jaschek at the library where he does most of his writing.
Bonus comment from a reader
Here is a long critique of “Double You” from a reader who responded when this script was posted on SimplyScripts.com. I didn’t see this comment for the longest time, but when I finally read it, I thought it was very, very insightful, constructive and helpful. And I agree with his comments in almost every way. Thanks, “Alex,” whoever you are. I appreciate you. - Walt
Hello Walt,
yesterday I read into your screenplay.
Some notes I made then:
The document is a scanned copy it seems. Not that it bothers me, quite the opposite; it actually has a more natural look than the sharp computer typeface. However, not sure how the industry would see it when evaluating your first impression. Reconsider .
P1 usually has no page number
The dialogue at 4 and 5 is overwritten. Especially with regards to the already dialogue-heavy scene before.
End of notes
Read till 15+- somewhere and generally 'want' to read on. I just post now because I'm busy atm and won't let my feedback to be lost in translation.
Lately I feel I write bad feedback because it feels and seems I cannot articulate clearly what I see in the author's work. When my one and only task is to translate the objectivity…
So, let me go this way. Your title and 'first part' of the logline, plus overall impression when opening the document, were the points why I spend time on your script. Fact.
However, before starting to read your screenplay, I saw an issue in the last part of your logline (what I would have betted shows in the story, which it did to me btw). A married couple comes into possession of a magic lava lamp (it's a thing) (<-cut that self-irony, looks foolish,,, otherwise perfect), that creates exact replicas of themselves, affording them to explore extramarital sexual opportunities while staying monogamous... technically. The cursive part is lalala to me and stands for a rather weak dramatic backbone. It's not deep enough and also too playful, plus this odd ironic last word.
Look, as a viewer, if a couple chooses to fuck with others - that's everyday bs. Nothing makes me root for them, no obstacles, or whatever. Also, no emotions, certainly no identification (why should I identify with losers who have the problem of not knowing where they belong).
Ask yourself what the screenplay really is about???
HEART!!!
Whatever. As I read it I saw that you're a very talented writer. There's super cinematic thinking, beautiful transitions, a lot of trust in the reader and your words.
From 8 somewhere the pages flew by; sure, perhaps because of the dialogue-heavy scenes, but still…
Coming to the points that I dislike. Character dynamic.
You obviously love dialogue, but you're also very strong with scene action. My advice: Scene action 10 times more valuable as dialogue. – Don't hang on your words/ the spoken words of your characters.
I realized one thing clearly. When two characters talk, be it Dee and Zack, Zack and friend, Dee and boss Rupert etc… you always let them finish the thought of what the other character says. And it doesn't work. The dynamic between the characters in all those one on one conversation reads same. They too often finish the sentence of their counterpart. And it's too much. There's few contradiction, no plus and minus, clear language between them – few that's not playful, not ironic.
And I think that you need those other, honest and direct beats.
Anyway,, I'm not sure what to make of it yet, but it clearly reeks 'problem'. But damn you're talented. If you may get anything of what I write here, then please consider one thing: Your action writing, the picture, is your strength. You're very good with dialogue too-- but dialogue fools you/us writers in general. You hang on your words and while it's surely funny, to a reader, it reads repetitive and slows the truth of the picture.
Ahh just forgot- the point I made also mirrors the page count. Rom-com is a 85-90 pages thing. Say 95-100, no ways 120.
Sorry that I have no time to proof-read my comment, and ouch as an Esl speaker it may look pretty messy.
Anyway, I want to come back and read on once when time and life allows.
Just read stuff slowly and let it sink.
You're very talented imo.
Best wishes
Alex
Sept. 21, 2019
Thanks again, Alex! Your comments are VERY helpful and are guiding me as I write the next script. - Walt